Privacy Is An Earned Privilege!
Do not make internet use an issue of trust! “I trust my teen completely and would never need to monitor their computer use!” During a time where their peers have more influence on them than their own parents, do not be fooled into thinking that the temptations of online-socializing do not affect your teens.

Remember that you, as the owner of your home, have the right to monitor any room, feature or device installed/used in your home. Dependents of any age have the level of privacy that you reward. Privacy is earned and is a privilege, not a right!

It is the hardest to do but talking to your teen about your concerns regarding the internet is very important. Don’t be afraid to question your teens about the amount of time they spend on the computer. Stress your concerns about the focus on their homework, etc. and that you fear the internet may be interfering with their ability to study at their best.

Monitor their homework. Make it your responsibility to know what assignments are given. This will give you an idea of what kind of internet time may or may not be needed.

Do not place a computer in the privacy of your teens’ bedrooms (especially junior high and high school students). Set up an area of the home’s main floor as a study room or office and set up as many desks and computers that you need in that one area; if you have to sacrifice part of a living room or dining room, or any room - then do it. Your child’s safety and your sanity are definitely worth it. Having all the home’s computers in one area make homework and study time a structured, disciplined activity. You do not risk having your children become distracted by online socializing that can seep hours and hours of their time per day.

Social Networking Sites
Social networking sites are the most popular "meet market" around, especially among tweens, teens, and 20-somethings. These sites encourage and allow people to exchange information about themselves, and use blogs, chat rooms, email, or instant messaging to communicate with the world-at-large. But while they can increase a person's circle of friends, they also can increase exposure to people who have less-than-friendly intentions, including sexual predators.

How can I make it safer?

• Check your teen's social networking profile.
• Learn how to adjust and/or increase privacy settings on your teen’s social networking profile.
• Limit the amount of time your teen spends online.
• Know your teen’s passwords, screen names, and the friends s/he is communicating with online.
• Monitor your teen’s use of webcams as well as the posting and exchanging of pictures/videos online.
• Monitor and verify any job offers made to your teen, and accompany her/him to interviews.

Important discussions to have…

• Teens can appear very mature and ready to take on the world; however, teen brains are still developing and they do not have the capacity to properly deal with all situations.
• Monitor your teen’s increasing independence. Even though teens may appear as though they can handle certain situations, they actually require and unconsciously seek adult guidance and supervision.
• Explain to your teen where it is appropriate for her/him to have privacy: confiding in close friends face-to-face, writing in a paper journal, being in her/his bedroom, etc. Reinforce that there is no privacy on the Internet, emphasizing the public nature of the Internet.
• Teach your teen that once pictures or information are sent over the Internet, control over what happens to them is lost. Tell her/him to be mindful of what is sent.
• Teach your teen that it is illegal for people to manufacture, possess or distribute naked or sexually explicit pictures of children under 18 years of age. Explain that they need to tell a safe adult if they are presented with this situation.
• Teach your teen that it is illegal for adults to offer her/him gifts or money in exchange for sexual activity.
• Discuss with your teen the concept of dignity and self-respect and how it can be preserved or destroyed by messages sent online and offline.
• Discuss with your teen the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
• Explain to your teen that s/he should never meet someone in person that s/he first met online without a parent or guardian.
• Discuss with your teen high-risk behaviour both online and offline and create 'what if' scenarios together to help her/him recognize dangerous situations and practice responses.
• Encourage open communication and be aware of your teen's sensitivity to social judgment. S/he may be hesitant to share personal experiences.

Meeting Online Acquaintances In Real Life
This can be one of the most exciting and challenging periods of a child's (and parent's) life. Your teen is beginning to mature physically, emotionally, and intellectually and is anxious to experience increasing independence from parents. To some extent that means loosening up on the reigns, but by no means does it mean abandoning your parenting role. Teens are complicated in that they demand both independence and guidance at the same time.

Teens are also more likely to engage in risky behavior both online and offline. While the likelihood of a teen being abducted by someone they meet in a chat room is extremely low, there is always the possibility that they will meet someone online who makes them feel good and makes them want to strike up an in-person relationship. It is extremely important that teens understand that people they meet online are not necessarily who they seem to be.

Although it's sometimes difficult to indoctrinate teens with safety information, they can often understand the need to be on guard against those who might exploit them. Teens need to understand that to be in control of themselves means being vigilant, on the alert for people who might hurt them.

The greatest danger is that a teen will get together offline with someone s/he meets online. If s/he does plan to meet someone, it's important that they not go alone and that they meet their online friend in a public place.

It's important for parents to remember what it was like when they were teenagers. Set reasonable expectations and don't overreact if and when you find out that your teen has done something online that you don't approve of. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't take it seriously and exercise appropriate control and discipline, but pick your battles and try to look at the bigger picture.

If your teen confides in you about something scary or inappropriate that they encountered online, your first response shouldn't be to take away Internet privileges. Try to be supportive and work with your teen to help prevent this from happening in the future. And remember that your teen will soon be an adult and needs to know not just how to behave but how to exercise judgment, reaching their own conclusions on how to explore the Net (and life in general) in a safe and productive manner.

The most serious problem imaginable is a teen who turns up missing or is molested as a result of an online contact. Most of these cases are young people who have left home on their own volition, usually after "meeting" someone online ("luring" is the term for online behavior that leads to these meetings). The vast majority of them are over 15 and female. What we have here isn't a case of bad guys snatching children; it's mainly teenagers exercising poor judgment. Nevertheless, luring is illegal, and if your teen meets someone online whom you perceive to be a threat to their physical safety, contact law enforcement.

Options (not necessarily recommendations) for preventing your teen from meeting someone online who might do harm:

• Parents should take an interest in a teen’s "e-pals" just as they do with friends they bring home.
• Talk with your teen about the dangers of getting together with someone they "meet" online.
• Restrict or monitor your teen’s use of chat functions.
• Monitor your teen’s e-mail and use of Internet newsgroups.

Video Networking
What is Video Networking? Video Networking is new technology that allows anyone to upload and share videos they produce, copy or find. They can usually also rate others' videos, set a list of favourites and link to others. They are sometimes also called video-sharing sites. But they are not to be confused with media sharing sites/services such as Limewire and Kazaa. The video-sharing technology allows people to download the videos you are sharing. Sites like Facebook, Twitter and YouTube are examples of networking sites that have video networking capabilities. Once a video is uploaded it can never be taken back, even if the person who uploaded it thinks they’ve deleted it.

How does video-networking work? While the concept of video sharing has been around for quite some time (on sites like Kazaa and Limewire), only within the past year or so has video-networking become easily available to the general public. Originally, most videos that one would want to share were posted to a personal webpage or a company server for retrieval by others who knew where to look for it. This was due in part to the fact that technology even a short two years ago was not as advanced as it is today, and storing large video files incurred significant costs. As with everything else, technology has advanced to the point where now, storing and sharing videos is just as easy as posting pictures.

You also don't need expensive equipment. Now, everyone with equipment as simple as a cell phone video camera can take and post videos online. Most of the popular sites require that you only 'register' in order to be able to upload or download site content. Registration is almost always free. Using the same cell phone that took the video, within seconds these videos can be uploaded to sites such as Facebook, Twitter and YouTube with a quick touch of a button.

Most sites do have some sort of acceptable use policies setting the rules about what you can and can't post. For instance, many sites will allow the posting of hard-core pornography only in the adult sections of their sites. Many don't permit sexually explicit videos at all.

Most sites do NOT allow the posting of copyrighted materials. (This is to avoid the plight of the old Napster, which was shut down for aiding and abetting copyright infringement.)

What do parents need to know? As with the social networking sites (and many of these social networking sites now have video sharing capabilities of their own), parents need to get up to speed on the kind of things their kids can see online.

Most of these sites do not require any sort of identity verification to become registered. What this means is simply this: If there is an age restriction to access "adult" material on the site, it is based on the honour system as most sites have not implemented any sort of meaningful age verification process. Also, because many of these sites have MILLIONS of members, they rely on self-policing to keep the site relatively free of illegal or improper postings. Even at that, objectionable material is relatively easy to find and can take some amount of time to get addressed by site administrators.

How graphic does the video get? How graphic do you want? There are documented incidents of graphic combat video from the Iraq war, be-headings, pornography, graphic fights, pedophilia and other highly objectionable material has been posted to the various sharing sites.

What are the potential risks? Let me count the risks. Young children react in different ways to explicit videos. Older teens can be affected as well. Not to mention the potential for video-bullying... situations that were caught on tape and now available for the entire world to see. The affect this has on the target of the bullying can be immense. There are also situations where internet predators have coerced, badgered or even black-mailed young victims they have found online to perform various sex acts on camera and then send it to them. They used the threats of something bad happening to them or someone they loved if they didn't play along. Most of the time these predators have managed to isolate these kids from their families, who typically are totally unaware of what is going on in their own households.

How well do the companies police their sites for inappropriate material? When you are talking about millions of members and hundreds of millions of videos, there is no realistic way of saying that any site is 100% safe. Even if only a small fraction of one percent of videos contained objectionable materials, that equates to a staggering number of potential problems numbering at least into the tens of thousands. Most of the larger sites use some sort of member review and flagging system. YouTube for instance (recently acquired by Google) allows their registered members to 'flag' videos with potentially graphic content. They also restrict access to those videos to those who have registered and stated they were of legal age. (Note that if they know enough to lie about their age, a minor can still register.) Still, the potential is there and PARENTS need to be the protectors of their kids online and not rely on the sites to do their jobs for them.

Advice for parents on how to talk to their kids about video-sharing sites? Parents need to take an on-going interest in what their kids are doing online. When the social networking sites exploded back in early 2005, video sharing sites were only a blip on the radar. Now with the advance of technology, the availability of personal devices such as the video iPod, video sites are the current wave. They allow people to create and share their artistic talents, show off their works, share stuff about their favourite bands with their friends, the list is endless. Parents need to explain to their kids that videos posted online do have potential problems associated with them. It could give an online predator information that could lead to the predator finding their kids online. Certain videos perhaps posted as being "funny" could be used later on for blackmail purposes and there can be legal problems if the videos being posted violate copyright law.

Loss of Privacy
There are many ways young people and adults can lose their privacy on the Internet, and all have their own dangers. Disclosing your address, telephone number, or even your name to a stranger can put you or family members in danger. It's also important to warn children not to give out information that could jeopardize others - family members, friends, teachers, and classmates.

Sometimes companies and organizations collect information about children for use in marketing, fundraising, and other activities. Children should also be instructed not to give out personal information to Web sites of companies and organizations, even if they have heard of them or have good feelings about them. That includes registering for contests or filling out forms in exchange for prizes, or for the right to download software, or for any other purpose. Children should never reveal any information about themselves without first checking with their parents. Even reputable companies may not obtain information about children without parents' permission. Besides, it's possible for someone to create a Web site that looks like it's from a reputable company but really is not.

Parents should read the company's privacy policy carefully prior to disclosing personal information about a family member.

Internet Addiction
Beyond gaming, kids and teens are filling their free time with other Internet activities: social networking, instant messaging (IM), blogging, downloading etc. The following has been identified as potential warning signs for children with pathological Internet use:

• Loses track of time while online
• Sacrifices needed hours of sleep to spend time online
• Becomes agitated or angry when online time is interrupted
• Checks email several times a day
• Becomes irritable if not allowed access to the Internet
• Spends time online in place of homework or chores
• Prefers to spend time online rather than with friends or family
• Disobeys time limits that have been set for Internet usage
• Lies about amount of time spent online or "sneaks" online when no one is around
• Forms new relationships with people he or she has met online
• Seems preoccupied with getting back online when away from the computer
• Loses interest in activities that were enjoyable before he or she had online access
• Becomes irritable, moody or depressed when not online

Emotional Costs
Internet Addiction among children is a growing concern. Online access is a vital part of the modern world and an important tool in the education of our children. In addition, it is a highly entertaining and informative medium. However, these very qualities also make it an enticing escape for many children. They can be anyone in an online chat room, or play thrilling and challenging games against other players from all corners of the globe. With the click of a mouse, they can enter a different world where the problems of their real life are no longer present, and all the things one wishes he or she could be or experience are possible.

Like addiction to drugs and alcohol, the Internet offers children and adolescents a way to escape painful feelings or troubling situations. They sacrifice needed hours of sleep to spend time online and withdraw from family and friends to escape into a comfortable online world that they have created and shaped.

Children who lack relationships or who suffer from poor social and coping skills are at greater risk to developing inappropriate or excessive online habits. Because they feel alone, alienated, and have problems making new friends, they turn to invisible strangers in online chat rooms looking for the attention and companionship missing in their real lives.

Socially, they learn to instant message friends rather than develop face-to-face relationships, which can impact their way of relating to peers. As one principal explained, “The Internet is hurting their ability to work in groups. Our teachers struggle to get them to participate in any kind of team assignments; instead they would all rather stare at the computer. When I observe them talking to one another in the hallway, I see young girls who are socially aggressive or inappropriate, and I can’t help but think that the Internet is socializing them in ways that emotionally stunts them and makes it difficult for them to deal with others in the real world.”

There are a few things you can do to help your child through this:

Address The Problem
It is critical that all parents present a united front. As parents, each must take the issue seriously and agree on common goals. Discuss the situation together and if necessary, compromise on desired goals so that when you approach your child, you will be coming from the same page. If you do not, your child will appeal to the more skeptical parent and create division between you.

In a single-parent household, the parent needs to take some time to think about what needs to be said and to prepare for the likely emotional response from the child. A child who is addicted to the Internet or becoming addicted to it will feel threatened at the very idea of curbing computer time. A single parent needs to be prepared for an emotional outburst laden with accusatory phrases designed to make the parent feel guilty or inadequate. It is important not to respond to the emotion—or worse yet, get sidetracked with a lecture on disrespect. Acknowledge your child’s feelings but stay focused on the topic of his or her Internet use.

Show You Care
It will help to begin your discussion by reminding your child that you love him or her and that you care about his or her happiness and well-being. Children often interpret questions about their behaviour as blame and criticism. You need to reassure your child that you are not condemning him or her. Rather, tell your child you are concerned about some of the changes you have seen in his or her behaviour and refer to those changes in specific terms: fatigue, declining grades, giving up hobbies, social withdrawal, etc. Assign an Internet time log - Tell your child that you would like to see an accounting of just how much time he or she spends online each day and which Internet activities they engage in.

Remind them that with television you can monitor their viewing habits more easily, but with the Internet you need their help and cooperation to become appropriately involved. Put them on the honour system to keep the log themselves for a week or two to build trust between you. If they balk at this idea or clearly lie in their log, you are likely dealing with their denial of addiction.

Become Computer Savvy, Or Hire Someone Who Can Help You
Checking history folders and Internet logs, learning about safe computer monitoring or hiring a company that specializes in offering you an online activity report can be very helpful in determining your next steps. It is important for every parent to learn the terms (both technical and popular/slang) and be comfortable with the computer, at least enough to know what your child is doing online. Take an active interest in the Internet and learn about where your child goes online.

Set Reasonable Rules
Many parents get angry when they see the signs of Internet Addiction in their child and take the computer away as a form of punishment. Others become frightened and force their child to quit cold turkey, believing that is the only way to get rid of the problem. Both approaches invite trouble - your child will internalize the message that they are bad; they will look at you as the enemy instead of an ally; and they will suffer real withdrawal symptoms of nervousness, anger, and irritability. Instead, work with your child to establish clear boundaries for limited Internet usage. Allow perhaps an hour per night after homework, with a few extra weekend hours. Stick to your rules and remember that you're not simply trying to control him or her – you are working to free them of a psychological dependence.